She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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