dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
