She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you have to choose: penises or morals?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
