Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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