The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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