I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
