My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
