38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
