I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore