I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.