I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.