Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."