what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
