I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can text with my tongue
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
