So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
