dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We are all done wearing pants today
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
