I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
