My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
