He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
