I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize