At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need a burrito and a hug.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
