gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
