I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
