im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
