I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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