i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
