If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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