I think scott just propositioned me for sex
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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