and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
