One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
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This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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