I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
