the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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