I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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