3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
