You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
