ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
