Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
