He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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