yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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