My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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