Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
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before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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