I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
