We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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