Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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