I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
