I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
