so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
