you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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