God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
