dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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