I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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