I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
