i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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