It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
