Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
