I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
