David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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