You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
