i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
