And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
