i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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