Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
