idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
