Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
