saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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