they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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