I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
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Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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