their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just come out here and I will go home with you...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
