my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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