Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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