there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
