just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
