just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
