sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
