Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
