Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
