I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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