I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
